I've been struggling with this idea for a while now. My conscious mind is all up with the idea that we are eternal beings, one with Source, that nothing is lost but our physical form when we die. And yet, what about that pesky thing called emotion?
I have studied various cultures' approach to grief and loss and everyone seems to have a different way of dealing with it. In Bali, for instance, people believe their dead ancestors stay with them and so they make offerings to them daily and believe that their ancestors sit on their shoulders to encourage them to behave appropriately.
In north America, we are kind of twisted. Someone dies, we hold a funeral,someone makes a casserole and after a while we are supposed to get over it, put on a brave face and say, "We're doing ok, thanks for asking." When, in truth, it feels like someone's ripped out your heart and stomped all over it...again and again. You begin to dread people asking with feigned sorrowful expressions so you put on an even happier face to make tired fake empathy just go away. Ok, sure, sometimes it's not fake. Sometimes people who love you really do care, really do show support.
I think, though, people are starting to accept that grief is not something one ever really gets over. It's something one must absorb into one's life, adapting and living with the fact that someone important in your life is no longer there.
Maybe this is what it means to be human, living in these bodies. Maybe, when we are all mixed up in Source and there is no individuality, one can't possibly have a moment alone. Maybe, that's the trade off and the great privilege and perhaps lesson of being here on this planet. We chose and get to experience being alone. We get to experience loss.
And its scary as shit. Maybe that's why we cling to people we love because we finally don't feel so alone anymore so when they die, we go, oh crap...they're off in source and I'm here left to my own devices.
Certainly, most people don't conceive of it that way, do they?
I also ponder the idea that grief is a construct of ego. We hold onto things, loved ones, ideas, abilities and they become part of our constructed identity. When they are gone, who are we then? I think ego does play a role in how we view loss. How could she have left me here all alone?
I don't know. Maybe ego makes us suffer more than is necessary. Maybe we just need to feel the vast expanse of human emotion and that we wouldn't really be able to if we all knew for a fact that we were eternal beings who never really die.
And part of me also is starting to feel that I just don't have it in me to grieve for every single loss I see on the television news.I can't feel bad enough to make any difference to a person's life half way around the world. I can send a prayer, maybe donate some money, but in truth, there's really not much more I can do other than meditating for love, grace and resilience.
Sometimes, maybe you just have to sit and hold space for someone going through grief. without advice or constant, "it'll be alright...". sometimes, we just need to shut up and be there. say nothing, sit still and allow the person to grieve, with them by their side.
so, on this day, I say to you....well, actually, nothing. I'm here, holding space. for you.
